I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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