so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
