It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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