so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
