doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
