Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
