If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
