1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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