Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
