Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
