how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
