oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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