yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
