Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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