If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
