She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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