is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize