I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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