I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
