What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
