I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have demons in me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
