Kiss
Puke
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize