While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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