i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
