anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
