i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
