The maid of honor just puked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it glows. i had to have it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
