Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
