Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
