Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
