Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
