Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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