: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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