Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The Olympian is in my bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
