Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
