We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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