He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
