I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
