I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
