I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
