Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize