god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize