Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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