Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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