My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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