Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
