So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize