his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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