so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize