this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did i walk over a car last night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
