i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize