Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize