two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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