we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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