that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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