I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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