I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
