this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
