I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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