tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
