She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize