Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
