Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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