Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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