Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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