What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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