Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
