dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize