If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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