eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
