And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
