If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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