I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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