in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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