THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
