i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
