I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I smell stomach acid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
